5 Languages Spotlight: Why Do We Still Include Physical Touch As a Language of Appreciation?

The language of appreciation that usually raises the most questions (and, for some, the most controversy) is appropriate physical touch; the love language in personal relationships that is difficult to translate into a workplace setting.

When we first started investigating how to best apply the love languages to work-based relationships, we utilized all five of the languages, even though we knew it would be a challenge to translate the language of touch. We found that the number and variety of these actions are fairly limited (high fives, fist bumps, congratulatory handshakes, or a pat on the shoulder), but are no less important.

Many people ask, “With all the problems and abuse created by inappropriate touch, why advocate for physical touch in the workplace?” This is a valid question and raises a crucial issue – understanding others’ perspectives and cultures, in contrast to forcing your views on others based on your experiences.

We believe there is a role for appropriate touch in work-oriented relationships. However, the appropriateness of these actions depends on the people involved, their general cultural context, the health of the relationship, situational circumstances, and the organizational subculture in which the behavior occurs. Some actions are fine for certain individuals but would make others feel uncomfortable.

Cross-Cultural and Regional Differences

One of the main reasons we continue to talk about showing appreciation through appropriate physical touch comes from our work in different countries and subcultures within the U.S.

Clearly, the level of comfort with (and even desire for) physical touch within work-based relationships is heavily influenced by one’s cultural context. For example, our resources are utilized in Latin America and southern European countries (Spain, Portugal, Italy) where greetings and celebrations of success regularly involve physical interaction among colleagues. And to leave out appropriate physical interactions in these settings would feel cold and unnatural.

The same theme is true in regions, and even types of workplaces, in the U.S. Historically, people in the Deep South use more physical touch in their interactions (often side hugs) and in Southern California, “bro hugs” are common form of greeting and departure. Additionally, some urban subcultures and specific industries (athletes) are often more physical in interactions than those in traditional business culture are comfortable displaying. In fact, I had a CEO of a medical institution comment that, as a former college athlete, he missed the physical displays of celebration when good results occurred. 

Conversely, acts of celebration and appreciation involving physical gestures are viewed as inappropriate and out of place in some cultures (German, Austrian, Dutch, Swiss) and regions in the U.S. (New York, Northeastern U.S.).

All touches are not created equal

The touches that make you feel affirmed may not make another person feel affirmed. An individual’s view of what is appropriate and inappropriate in the workplace may differ greatly from person to person. We must learn from the person we are interacting with what he or she perceives as an affirming touch. While there are non-verbal cues you can watch for – stiffening or withdrawing when touched – the surest way to find out is simply to ask.

Also, there are implicit and explicit touches. Touches that are implicit are subtle, are transitory and are often given without a lot of thought. A pat on the back, a quick handshake, or a high five are examples of implicit touches and are common expressions of physical touch in work settings. Explicit touches normally require more thought and time. An extended handshake while saying to the person, “I really appreciate what you did; I won’t forget the effort you poured into this task” may well communicate your appreciation very deeply to the individual who values physical touch.

We have found that implicit types of touch are the most common form of showing appreciation physically in the workplace because they are usually an expression of spontaneous celebration – finishing a project, completing a sale, or successfully fixing a problem – are all used frequently in work-oriented relationships.

The Benefits of Physical Touch

Communicating appreciation by physical touch can have a positive impact in the workplace when done appropriately. You may wish to do a little real-life research yourself. We believe you will find that daily observations affirm that physical touch is a language often used in the workplace. Watch how others interact when they have a positive collegial relationship. Observe how people respond when something good happens to someone in the workplace. Take time to notice the number of handshakes, fist bumps, high fives, pats on back, and other physical gestures. Interestingly, cross-cultural researchers have found that a pat on the back is almost universally accepted as an act that communicates appreciation.

Be especially alert in less formal settings such as over a meal, in an after-work social setting, or at a company picnic. You may be surprised at the amount of encouragement that is expressed through physical touch in a warm, supportive, positive fashion.

So, it is important to understand one’s cultural context when determining (or judging) whether some form of physical touch is appropriate within work-based relationships. A fundamental principle, however, is that the recipient of a physical gesture is always the person who decides what is appropriate and acceptable to them.

While we do not believe communicating encouragement and appreciation through physical touch is foundational in many work-based relationships, neither do we believe the workplace should become a completely “touch-less” environment. Appropriate acts of physical expression are valued by many with whom we interact on a daily basis and can add depth and warmth to work-based relationships.

Categories 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Cultural differences, Five Love Languages, Physical Touch

Published by Paul White

August 12, 2024 9:00 am