I don’t mean to sound snub or condescending but, in a lot of ways, having healthy relationships is not that big of deal. Having positive relationships doesn’t have to be as difficult as people want to make it. I often tell my friends (and sometimes, my clients) that the work I do is not rocket science. Helping families and business families “get along” is not that tough, from a conceptual point of view. The concepts are fairly straightforward. But the real challenge is in the implementation — in getting individuals and families to do (regularly) those behaviors and tasks that... Continue reading...
A fair amount of my time professionally is listening to individuals, families and organizations who are experiencing some challenges that they are trying to manage successfully. They describe to me a variety of problems and are looking for insight on what to do. The issues range from individual behavior and feelings — anxiety about life, problems with anger management, patterns of communication which are viewed as condescending by others, uncertainty about one’s future career path — to problems solidly planted in the midst of relationships (marital conflict, a teenager or young adult who is demonstrating behavior problems and the parents... Continue reading...
February 10, 2008 5:52 pm
“Networking” is obviously not only about trying to use relational contacts to find a job or find a quality person for a position you are trying to fill. We use our social networks for a variety of purposes — finding quality professionals or technicians for tasks we need to get done, locating charitable organizations that are good stewards of the monies given them, or learning about areas of life we have limited experience or knowledge. Since my article / blog on networking, I have had a number of people talk to me about their own networking experiences, and I have... Continue reading...
November 11, 2007 1:57 pm
In my work with people, I often deal with individuals’ reactions to situations as well as communication issues between co-workers and family members. As a result, in the process of working through these issues, people often say to me, “Well, you know, perception is reality.” Sometimes they say this to explain how miscommunication occurred with another person, or why they feel the way they do. I am not sure of the origin of the phrase, “perception is reality”, (although I would bet it comes from some realm of psychology — and for those who know me, that is not necessarily... Continue reading...
Last posting I described dysfunctional people and what behavior patterns characterize them. That is really the easy part. The tough part is learning how to deal with dysfunctional people in our lives — whether they are family members, coworkers, employees, or neighbors — and to do so in a way that doesn’t make us go crazy (or so we don’t commit murder!) The first clue to dealing effectively with dysfunctional individuals is to give up the expectation that they will respond in a healthy way (to whatever action you choose to take). Usually, no matter what you do, you will... Continue reading...
Last entry we briefly discussed how one’s early life experiences shapes a person’s worldview and often continues to impact your values and decisions long into adulthood. I thought it would be good to extend this discussion into the realm of dysfunctional families. First, it is important (to me, at least) to communicate that I am as tired as anyone by our culture’s propensity to blame someone (or something else) for poor choices individuals make. (For example, I was upset by the media’s immediate reaction to blame the administrators of Virginia Tech for not responding more quickly after the assassin’s first... Continue reading...
Sometimes the obvious becomes lost in the clutter of day to day living. Recently, in a number of small ways, I was reminded of how each person’s own personal life history shapes their view of the world, and thus, their expectations. These personal beliefs then translate into choices a person makes and their reactions to life circumstances. Let me cite a few examples that illustrate the point. As part of my work with successful business families across the country, I am fortunate to be able to interview them and hear their life histories. What is fascinating, and educating to me... Continue reading...
This past weekend, I had the privilege of facilitating a family retreat in Northern California. I have been working with this family for a couple of years. As a result, we have done some previous communication training together on foundational issues of listening and understanding how your personality styles impact communicating with others. So they were ready to work on some additional skills to utilize in building relationships with others. One skill set we worked on this weekend was related to ways you can assist the person with whom you are talking to better understand you. Providing the context of... Continue reading...
The fact that people have different communication styles in not news. However, I have found a “word picture” that seems to really help individuals get a better sense of how different they are from others, and also gives a clearer understanding on the challenges they have in communicating effectively with those close to them. There is a wide range in how each of us: a) think about the world around us; b) create messages in our minds; c) communicate what we are thinking; and d) decode and interpret the messages we receive. Essentially, we each are “wired” differently, and that... Continue reading...
