Categories for Relationships
Every Spring a national sporting event captures the attention of millions of employees: the NCAA March Madness basketball tournaments. Individuals who are die-hard basketball fans, those who may follow their local college team or alma mater, and people who just like to complete brackets by picking teams according to their mascots – all become intrigued and involved in the games and filling out brackets. Understanding March Madness While March Madness is typically referred to as a singular event, those familiar with the tournaments know that they are actually a series of games and regional tournaments over a three-week period. The... Continue reading...
Trying to figure out how to make your Thanksgiving celebration meaningful can be challenging. Going around the table and having everyone share something they are thankful for is a time-honored tradition, but it can also feel somewhat mechanical and superficial. So I thought I’d put together a fun activity that might make it easier and more engaging for different ages present, from older adults to children. I call it: “How to Get F’s for Thanksgiving.” Since many of us rely on cues to access out memories, it is helpful to have some present when possible. Pictures, in particular, of... Continue reading...
November 13, 2023 10:11 am
We’ve entered November, which means Thanksgiving is approaching. And unfortunately, for many people, thoughts about this year’s Thanksgiving bring up negative reactions and raises our anxiety. (This is in contrast to focusing on past Thanksgiving holidays where we can usually recall some positive memories and feelings.) Why might this be? I would propose that there is a singular guest we all have at our holiday events – regardless of what type of Thanksgiving celebration we have. And this guest is usually hidden, until we learn they aren’t pleased. Who is it? Expectations. Take a moment to think about this year’s... Continue reading...
One of my hobbies is planting and taking care of trees. I love to take a small tree, find the right place for it, plant it and nurture it so it becomes a significant part of the landscape. A piece of the nurturing process involves pruning – which is the process of cutting away dead or overgrown branches to shape and increase the tree’s fruitfulness and growth. Pruning trees is critically necessary for them to grow into well-shaped and healthy organisms, even though it involves cutting and even removing limbs that look healthy. Since I have been taking care of trees for... Continue reading...
September 5, 2023 8:55 am
All of us have moments when we are emotionally worn out, become discouraged, and want to give up. Some of us cycle through these periods rather quickly, others linger in the dark space for a while, and some of us have difficulty climbing out of the cave. Enter: the need for encouragement and support. Yes, we are all ultimately responsible to motivate ourselves and keep going. But we were also designed to live in community – that’s why we are born into families, to be raised, nurtured and protected. And why we live in broader communities with friends and neighbors. We are meant... Continue reading...
Summer has arrived. And along with the warmer weather comes the opportunity for summer vacations. Getting away from your home, your daily routine and responsibilities provides a needed mental break necessary for you to rejuvenate and re-energize. Vacations can provide valuable time for a mental reset that can be beneficial to you both personally and professionally. Unfortunately, we often come back from a vacation tired and worn down and needing additional time to recover from our trip. To help, here are some suggestions for getting the most out of your time off. The Four R’s Rest. Try to schedule your vacation... Continue reading...
One key way to understand employees – what their daily life is like and what is important to them – is to ask them directly. We recently conducted a poll of 400+ remote employees to find out what they like and dislike about working remotely. It is important to note that a key factor leading to misunderstanding employees is to assume that all members of a group are similar. This seems to be the current case with regards to remote employees. Most discussions are about “remote employees,” as if they are all the same. But this is clearly not the... Continue reading...
Our lives can be demanding and full of stressful situations. And while humor can’t eliminate the strain of daily life, it can lighten our mental load. Humor, laughter and smiling are easy, inexpensive antidotes to negativity and difficult circumstances. Humor relieves stress and improves our mental health, and it’s not just good for our personal lives – it can be important part of our work experience too. Even though we don’t really need research to confirm what we all know, here a few facts from the Mayo Clinic. Laughter: Why Humor at Work Matters The workplace has been a source... Continue reading...
February 27, 2023 9:09 am
Trust is critical for any functional relationship—with our family, our friends, and even our work-based relationships. For life to work, we have to trust. The issue of trust—and mistrust—is powerfully relevant in our culture today. We hear comments about trust all over the news and frequently in personal conversations: “I trust that guy about as far as I can throw him.” Trust is essential to work-based relationships for many reasons: effective teamwork, collaboration with suppliers, smooth functioning of the organization to produce goods and services, better customer relationships and, ultimately, to obtain optimal outcomes. MISTRUST IN WORK RELATIONSHIPS There are... Continue reading...
Most people who achieve healthy personal goals tend to incorporate the same tools to assist them in moving toward their aspirations. These individuals commonly utilize four key skills to help their lives move forward in a healthy direction. But some of these tools are not valued or widely embraced in our culture, which makes consistently utilizing them more difficult. Four Important (but often Countercultural) Steps to Incorporate into Your Life Lots of lists exist which outline the “ten most important characteristics of leaders.” These are typically helpful. However, just as we can identify critical nutrients needed to be physically healthy,... Continue reading...
A Survival Guide for Talking about the Election at Work Well, here we are, on the verge of the 2022 midterm elections. The tension in the air is notable within the culture at large, on the airwaves and Internet, within families, and at workplaces. It is virtually inescapable. A number of factors combine to create a significant sense of uneasiness for most of us: So, the tension we feel is justified. What to Do? The behavioral options for responding to the angst we feel are almost as numerous as individual personalities. But there are five general responses, on a continuum,... Continue reading...
Toxic achievers pose a serious dilemma for business owners, managers, and supervisors. On the one hand, they get the job done — quickly, and more successfully than their peers. So, their work production or sales numbers look great. On the other hand, they create major headaches due to the way they relate to others, their condescending attitude, and their propensity to frequently want exceptions to company policies and procedures. 7 Signs of a Toxic Achiever How do you know if one of your team members is a toxic achiever, or just a pretty good producer who can be irritating to... Continue reading...
September 19, 2022 9:00 am
How to Have a Terrible, Awful, Very Bad Day (Guaranteed) Sometimes we focus on the positives in life – gratitude, appreciation, healthy relationships—and how to obtain (or maintain) them in our lives. But there are times when it can be helpful to remind ourselves of the habits and thought patterns that lead us down the path to having a bad day (or week, month or year!). Let’s take a brief look at the things that take us down the road to nowhere good, so we can acknowledge and avoid them in our lives. Our experience of life is directly related... Continue reading...
September 12, 2022 9:00 am
Summer has arrived. And along with the warmer weather comes the opportunity for summer vacations. Getting away from your home, your daily routine and responsibilities provides a needed mental break necessary for you to rejuvenate and re-energize. Vacations can provide valuable time for a mental reset that can be beneficial to you both personally and professionally. Unfortunately, we often come back from a vacation tired and worn down and needing additional time to recover from our trip. To help, here are some suggestions for getting the most out of your time off. The Four R’s Rest. Try to schedule your vacation... Continue reading...
Recently, I was speaking to a group of organizational leaders about workplace culture, and I asked them about some of the more challenging issues they are seeing. One leader responded: “apathy” — to which numerous others nodded in affirmation. They went on to elaborate: “Younger leaders are more passive” “They seem willing to live with the status quo,” and “They lack passion — they don’t seem to have any ‘fire in their belly.’” The senior leaders I was training were asking: “What do I do?” “How can I motivate a developing leader who doesn’t seem interested?” Unfortunately, this is not... Continue reading...
Connectedness has become a huge issue within our culture. The disconnectedness and loneliness created by the COVID-19 pandemic created massive upheaval in our daily social structure (working remotely, reduced social interaction with friends and family, chaos related to children’s education and activities). Our work life has been equally disrupted. Not only with arrangements related to remote, working from home and hybrid working issues, but our normal patterns of relating and communicating have been affected. When we see our colleagues, where we see them, how often we interact, the mode of communication (email, phone, video conference, text, in person) and the... Continue reading...
For life to work, we have to trust. Trust is critical for any functional relationship—with our family, our friends, and even our work-based relationships. The issue of trust—and mistrust—is powerfully relevant in our culture today. We hear comments about trust all over the news and frequently in personal conversations: “I trust that guy about as far as I can throw him.” Trust is essential to work-based relationships for many reasons: effective teamwork, collaboration with suppliers, smooth functioning of the organization to produce goods and services, better customer relationships and, ultimately, to obtain optimal outcomes. MISTRUST IN WORK RELATIONSHIPS There are... Continue reading...
February 21, 2022 9:00 am
We all make mistakes. Sometimes inadvertently. Sometimes we did what we thought was right (only to find out later, it wasn’t). And sometimes we just make a poor choice – for whatever reason. Making a mistake at work, to many of us, seems more serious than ones we commit in our personal lives. A misstep at work affects others, makes us look bad to our colleagues or boss, and may have serious ramifications on our work status. The Challenge of Acknowledging Our Errors For some of us, acknowledging to ourselves that we messed up is difficult. While admitting we made... Continue reading...
February 14, 2022 9:00 am
Recently, I wrote about humor in the workplace and thought it would be good to put some of the principles in action. And Thanksgiving seemed like a good time to ask about and share some successes and “fails” people have experienced over the years. While the Thanksgiving holiday and giving gratitude at work are important, I personally have become a little worn down by all of the reminders to “be sure and tell your colleagues you are thankful for them.” (If you do want something in that vein, read this past entry from our blog.) Let’s agree that is a... Continue reading...
In the past, an employee’s relationship with their direct supervisor was found to be one of the most influential factors on whether or not the employee enjoyed their job. However, this dynamic has changed somewhat. Jared Lindzon, in an article about change and work, spoke to analyst Josh Bersin who says, “Most companies, even big companies, are much less hierarchical and much less top-down in their execution than they used to be. Leaders are finding that they have to be more inspirational, they have to be more collaborative.” In recent years, both the structure of work teams and physical office... Continue reading...
September 20, 2021 9:00 am
Since the COVID-19 virus appeared, the focus on the mental health of employees has increased significantly. And rightfully so. As a result of the pandemic, major social changes occurred in 2020: “stay-at-home” orders, tens of millions of workers shifted to working from home, children were educated remotely, we were required to maintain social distance from one another (and cover our faces with masks). Family and community relationships were hindered. The practical consequences? Isolation. Dramatic changes in daily life routines. Uncertainty. These tectonic shifts in our lives shook our daily lives to the foundations and created an enormous amount of stress... Continue reading...
I have had the privilege of traveling internationally to numerous countries to introduce the concept of authentic appreciation in the workplace. Fortunately, authentic appreciation and vibrant workplaces aren’t limited to certain cultures. They exist on every inhabited continent. (Our book, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, has been translated into 27 languages.) Lessons from a Multinational Training Experience A few years ago, I had the opportunity to train the management and supervisors of an elite international organization in how to communicate authentic appreciation to their staff. Functioning within the tourism and hospitality industries, the staff (in one location) come from over... Continue reading...
Individuals who do well in life commonly utilize four key skills to help their lives move forward in a healthy direction. That is, people who achieve healthy personal goals tend to incorporate the same tools to assist them in moving toward their aspirations. Unfortunately, some of these tools are not valued or embraced in our culture, which makes consistently utilizing them more difficult. Yes, believe it or not, we need to acknowledge that some of the beliefs and values of the majority Western culture are actually not helpful to us in living our lives well. Four Important (but often Countercultural)... Continue reading...
Well, here we are, on the verge of the long anticipated (and for some, dreaded) 2020 elections. The tension is thick in the air – within the culture at large, on the airwaves and Internet, within families, and within workplaces. A number of factors combine to create a significant sense of uneasiness for most of us: -the unpredictability of the results -the strong feelings many have related to the issues intertwined with the election -fears about potential violence and destruction of property after the election -concerns about how the results of the elections will impact our... Continue reading...
The issue of trust – and lack of it – is a common topic in our current culture. Comments can be found in any news medium and frequently in personal conversations. “I don’t trust him.” “They aren’t trustworthy.” “Big organizations can’t be trusted.” The reasons why there seems to be an epidemic of lack of trust is a complicated discussion, in and of itself. Partly, because many people and organizations have shown themselves not to be trustworthy. First, we must understand what trust really is, then we can consider and respond correctly to relevant situations. It is Not as Simple... Continue reading...
“How am I supposed to get my work done while I’m also expected to oversee my children’s schoolwork?” This critical question is one of the most common concerns raised by parents who are working from home. And with the schoolyear just beginning, this challenge, facing millions is both a very real and practical one. First, some context regarding my credibility. Prior to and during my work focused on work-based relationships and workplace culture, my professional focus included evaluating students with learning challenges, and consulting with parents and schools on the best ways to help their students learn. Additionally, we... Continue reading...
September 14, 2020 9:00 am
A lot of comments have been voiced about the increasing intensity of negative and conflictual conversations in our culture – on television, on radio talk shows, in social media, even in our personal interactions. In reflecting on the numerous challenges facing us in the workplace and our community activities (decisions about school attendance, sports events, social gatherings), it became clear that there are a lot of areas in our lives that we can complain about. Almost simultaneously, I thought: “We are in a space where almost all of us can become overwhelmed with the amount of complaining we hear and... Continue reading...
September 8, 2020 9:00 am
“Does what I do matter?” Every person on the planet wants to know the answer to this question. This is especially true for employees that are feeling unstable and uncertain about their future. Employees that have a clear sense of their purpose are more engaged, more loyal, and more productive too. Amidst the pandemic, your team is looking for hope. The U.S. Census Bureau reported that nearly one-third of all Americans currently suffer from depression and anxiety. As quarantine orders took effect, self-help book sales shot up by 39%. Man has been searching for meaning from the beginning of time.... Continue reading...
As a country, it appears likely we are headed for stormy times. Why do I think so? First, as a psychologist and social scientist, I’m trained to observe patterns in social behaviors that assist us in predicting future likely behavior patterns. Secondly, because I’m from the Midwest in the heart of “tornado alley” and we are experts in being able to see the signs leading to severe weather. And the two sets of patterns and conditions are quite similar. Stormy Weather I’m not going to go through all of the different circumstances that lead up to severe weather in the... Continue reading...
To build a successful and sustainable business, you need a team of employees who bring their unique abilities, strengths and perspectives to the challenges you will face. But to draw and keep talented individuals who have a variety of skills and personality types, you have to learn a key skill: You have to learn how to lead people who are different than you. Many books on leadership provide valuable insights into key skills and abilities needed to effectively lead others. But one concept that is not stressed enough is: to lead a successful team, you have to understand those who are... Continue reading...
