Categories for Relationships
15five recently surveyed 500 managers and executives and released the following statistics about remote workers: 53% of companies in the U.S. continue to have standard workplaces, with nearly every employee coming into the office 4 or more days each week. 37% have a main office with some people working remotely. 10% have no office space at all. These statistics point to more and more work relationships existing in the context of remote locations. Increasing numbers of employees work in locations separate from their colleagues and supervisor, with “virtual teams” occurring across cities, states and countries. The combination of these two... Continue reading...
As a psychologist, I have evaluated over 4,000 individuals – usually with regards to learning difficulties they are experiencing. In my feedback sessions, I often share with parents the core characteristics that make individuals successful in life. (I define “life success” as becoming an independent functional adult, having healthy relationships, and experiencing a level of happiness and contentment in one’s life.) Why do I talk about these with the parents of students I have evaluated? Because many times, the students have challenges (such as limited intellectual capacities, severe and multiple learning disorders, severe social or emotional disorders) that will make... Continue reading...
Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. It is a great opportunity to communicate your love to those close to you. Unfortunately, it seems many in the world of employee recognition try to link recognition and appreciation to any holiday (I can’t wait to see what they try to do with St. Patrick’s Day!) So let me state firmly upfront — there isn’t (or shouldn’t be) much connection between Valentine’s Day and communicating appreciation in the workplace. Why? Because Valentine’s Day is about personal relationships — spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends (and maybe other family and friends, to a lesser degree.) Let’s keep our boundaries clear, and not... Continue reading...
February 11, 2016 9:00 am
Do you ever wish you could do something meaningful? That you could make the world a better place? Well, you can! One of the easiest ways to make a difference in the world is by taking a small action to help other people feel appreciated, accepted and valued. Here are five ways you can make the world a better place by brightening someone’s world today: #1 Visit Someone. So much of our communication is digital these days. It can make someone’s day to have a real, live, caring person show up just to say hello (without asking for something, like... Continue reading...
Doug Conant, former turn-around CEO of the Campbell Soup Company, and Keven Kruse, a serial entrepreneur and popular keynote speaker, have something in common. Both believe that two-way communication is essential to employee engagement. Since employee engagement drives job satisfaction, high productivity, and low turnover, it is worth taking a minute or two to consider their perspective. What is employee engagement? It is the emotional connection that an employee has to the organization and its goals. A 2011 Gallup poll found that only 29% of the workforce is engaged at work. That means that more than two-thirds of people are... Continue reading...
As I continue to work with families and family owned businesses across the country, I have noticed some themes about the “State of the Family” that I’d like to share. Essentially, there are three broad categories into which families seem to fall: 1. Healthy, functioning families. To be honest, this seems to be the smallest proportion of families (not surprisingly). These families have: healthy relationships within the family (usually across two generations; it is rare to see three generations where there is no major conflicts); individuals within the family who are doing reasonably well with their own life pathway (career,... Continue reading...
I was privileged to hear Patrick Lencioni speak at the Willow Creek Association Leadership Summit, and I enjoyed reading his excellent book, The Advantage. Patrick believes that, while most companies and organizations have the technical and knowledge aspects of business down, “the advantage” the more successful organizations and businesses have is being a “healthy organization”. He defines healthy organizations as being characterized by: • Minimal politics • Minimal confusion • High levels of productivity • High staff morale, and • Low staff turnover (among good employees). Patrick’s research and professional experience indicates that when a company has their intellectual side... Continue reading...
February 25, 2015 6:00 am
When working with people in my role as a coach or trainer, I often tell them that part of my role is to “reflect reality” to them — to give them objective and honest feedback on how I see their situation, and what choices they actually have (versus the choices they wish they had). Some examples include: *Helping two or more family business owners come to grips with the fact that they have very different views of where the future of the business should go and how the business should be run — to the point that unless someone drastically... Continue reading...
Appreciation isn’t just about recognition and it’s not reserved only for large corporations. Whether you’re an executive, a small business owner, or an employee, you express and receive appreciation. The key question when you express appreciation is the other person receiving it with the same intent and value? Your Evolving Appreciation Learning that there are five languages of appreciation and especially learning your own personal language of appreciation provides growth and change in becoming more aware of how appreciation is communicated and received. As you gain experiential knowledge through practice and doing, your appreciation changes and grows. My favorite saying... Continue reading...
The Labor Day weekend is past. Summer is officially over. And what do you have to look forward to? A week back at work, followed by another week at work, and another. Sound exciting? Or depressing? If you are like a majority of people in the U.S and Canada, you are not looking forward to work this week — and at least half of you are actually dreading returning to work. A critical question is: Do you know why? If you don’t, read on. A second key question is: Do you know how bad your workplace really is?Is it “normally... Continue reading...
September 1, 2014 10:18 pm
I admit. I’m a perfectionist. There’s always one flaw. Or, there’s one more thing to fix or finish. It’s a part of who I am. And, because I focus on it for me, I also bring that same laser and cutting focus to my team. Being appreciative to team members at the workplace The more you are appreciative of the little things in your life and make it habit, the more it transcends to your relationships with others at work. For a long time, appreciation was not viewed as important in the workplace. However, research has shown that appreciation, more... Continue reading...
Two common mantras in our culture today are: “I hate my job” and “My boss is a jerk.” While both statements may be true, hating your job because your boss is a jerk isn’t going to lead anywhere good. According to Gallup, more than half of the U.S. workforce (or about 70 million employees) either are just enduring their job or actively hate where they work. With that level of dissatisfaction, it’s no surprise that we hear so many negative comments – either in personal conversations, through social media or the mainstream media. In other words, If you don’t like your job, welcome to... Continue reading...
If you are one of the fortunate students who has landed an internship for the summer, congratulations. You have an opportunity to learn some practical skills in your field of study, add a valuable piece to your resume, and possibly make a little money (if it is a paid internship.) There is a good chance you have never been an intern before, so you are not exactly sure what to expect. So let us fill you in – with both the good and bad news. Understanding the Full Time Employees’ Perspective For most FTEs (full-time employees), interns are viewed either... Continue reading...
Recently, I had the privilege of conducting some communication training for a group in Northern California. We had done some previous communication training together on foundational issues of listening, so they were ready to work on some additional skills for building relationships with others. The skill set we worked on was the ways you can assist the person with whom you are talking to better understand you. Providing the context of your thoughts was the skill we focused on. When we give each other the context of our thoughts — that is, the reason or purpose of our sharing —... Continue reading...
I’ve been thinking about boundaries lately, and observing how significantly they impact our daily lives. The lack of boundaries in relationships (or attempts to overstep established boundaries) seem to be a frequent cause of relational tension. I would like to use the example of our physical body (our skin provides a boundary between our body and the world around us) to illustrate a few points about some characteristics of boundaries, and the purposes of boundaries. First, we need to acknowledge that one purpose of a boundary is to distinguish where an object/person starts and ends. This is my body and... Continue reading...
Valentine’s day is quickly approaching. It is a great opportunity to communicate your love to those close to you. Unfortunately, it seems many in the world of employee recognition try to link recognition and appreciation to any holiday (I can’t wait to see what they try to do with St. Patrick’s Day!) So let me state firmly upfront — there isn’t (or shouldn’t be) much connection between Valentine’s Day and communicating appreciation in the workplace. Why? Because Valentine’s Day is about personal relationships – spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends (and maybe other family and friends, to a lesser degree.) Let’s keep our boundaries... Continue reading...
“The holidays.” Those two words are packed with memories, fleeting media images and mixed emotional reactions. The Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Year’s holiday season has begun, and if you are like me, with them come a rapid succession of excitement, anticipation, anxiety, wonder, and a sense of tiredness (and I haven’t even done anything yet.) We are planning the extended family Thanksgiving gathering – deciding who is hosting the meal, who will be able to come (and who is going to the “other side” of the family), what favorite recipes people will bring, and what activities will be planned (shopping, playing and watching... Continue reading...
November 11, 2011 12:40 pm
characteristics of healthy marriages,Businesses are primarily focused on selling their products or services to customers and making the profit (or creating value in the business to be captured when the business sells). That is the essence of business. And that can be done in lots of ways — by treating your employees well or “using” them, by providing quality products or by scamming people to make a “quick buck”, by being a responsible community member or not. But one point that we have known intuitively is becoming increasingly clear — what happens in an employee’s personal life affects their performance... Continue reading...
When working with people in my role as a coach or counselor, I often tell them that part of my role is to “reflect reality” to them — to give them objective and honest feedback on how I see their situation, and what choices they actually have (versus the choices they wish they have). Some examples include: *Helping family business owners come to grips with that they have very different views of where the future of the business should go and how the business should be run — to the point that unless someone drastically changes their viewpoint, working together... Continue reading...
As I travel, meeting with various families, businesses and organizational leaders, I am exposed to a wide range of people, situations and subcultures (usually within the U.S., but also with English-speaking families overseas [I acknowledge much of my life experience is limited by a North American bias]). These experiences, in combination with the changes occurring within our economy, government and culture, lead me to make some observations about core principles for life that keep coming up. I’d like to share some of my observations and how they often are counter to what is presented in our current mainstream culture: Truth... Continue reading...
Sometimes someone writes an article, or gives a speech, that is noteworthy. Their thoughtfulness and manner of communication is remarkable. And you really can’t add much to what they have already said. But you want to share their thoughts with those important to you. Such is the nature of the article, based on his commencement speech to the 2010 graduating class at the Harvard Business School, by Clayton Christensen. He is a professor at the school and was asked by the class to speak at their graduation ceremony. I will briefly highlight some of his points — primarily to entice... Continue reading...
Recently, I was working with a husband and wife who also own and run a business together. One of the issues that came up was their differences in communicating, and how this creates challenges in their relationship (both personally and as co-managers). I used a “word picture” that helped illustrate the difficulties they are experiencing in communicating with one another. [Like most things, word pictures have their pro’s & con’s. On the one hand, they can powerfully paint an image that drives home a key concept. On the other hand, if taken too far they “break down” in their ability... Continue reading...
I wrote about trust in business relationships a few months ago. But the issue of trust in relationships keeps coming up again and again in the work I do. Really, it is the lack of trust that continues to reappear. The issue is so foundational to healthy relationships, I feel compelled to write on the topic again – and explain the nature of trust more deeply. What is trust, really? One definition is: “to place confidence in” or “rely on”. Recently, I have worked with families, family businesses, couples, parents & teens, Boards of Directors (numerous ones) where a number... Continue reading...
My wife (Kathy) and I have been married 30 years. We are both college-educated and fairly good communicators. Most people understand us when we talk or write. But sometimes we have a hard time communicating with each other. It is not that we don’t try, or that one of us doesn’t want to understand. But occasionally (I think it is only occasionally), one of us just doesn’t “get” what the other person is saying. I will admit that the person in our relationship that doesn’t “get it” most often is usually me. She is trying to communicate something and I’m... Continue reading...
Recently, in a variety of settings I am observing the issue of trust impacting business relationships. Obviously, trust is at the foundation for business transactions — that the vendor will provide the goods or services purchased, that the goods or services will be at the quality level described initially, and that the customer will pay for the goods or services in the time frame agreed upon. Another area of business where trust is impactful is in the employer / employee relationship — where the employer follows through on commitments communicated to the employee and the integrity level of employees to... Continue reading...
February 9, 2010 10:01 pm
Unfortunately, when the issue of “character” is in the news today, the focus is usually on character failures — lack of integrity, marital unfaithfulness, greed and dishonesty. So to be able to talk about a man of good character is a privilege. When thinking about the title of this entry, I was indecisive about whether it should be “To a Great Man of Character” or “To a Man of Great Character”. Obviously, I chose the latter — for two reasons. First, in the world’s eyes I don’t know if Spence Sawyer would be characterized as a “great man” — in... Continue reading...
Part of my job as a psychologist is to observe — observe patterns of behavior, be attune to my own thoughts and feelings, and to derive some potentially helpful information form patterns I see. In recent months and weeks, I have observed some factors in life that really wear people down — they are not really hidden but are often subtle. Sometimes they are obvious and plain, but people (both the person experiencing the aspect of life as well as those around them) tend to minimize the impact of the issue on their life. So let me share some of... Continue reading...
As a psychologist, I naturally find myself observing people’s behavior — their choices, what they are saying, and how they are feeling. And this is the case now, in the midst of the difficult economic times in which we find ourselves (I am consciously choosing not to use the term “financial crisis”.) There are three core aspects to any situation that involves human perception and response: Reality. What actually “is” — the facts of the situation. (Using a non-related example: the temperature — which is about 30 degrees F. on a mid March day.) Perceptions. How people perceive, view, and... Continue reading...
Almost all of us in the United States are now starting to personally experience some aspect of the global and national economic crisis. Whether it is through a personal or family job loss, friends and extended family members who have been laid off, a slow down in your business, or projected reduced sales for next year — the impact is now personal. This is different than hearing it on the news or reading statistics in a publication. I resent the frenzy and panic the media seems to want to whip up, because this type of communication doesn’t help anyone. We... Continue reading...
Recently, my wife and I have had a couple of experiences together on which we both commented to one another. One experience was actually two separate events that were similar and which occurred close together. As a family, we enjoy music and frequently go to music events of various kinds — concerts by professionals, school concerts, musical theatre productions, and free community events (e.g. concerts in a park). This summer we had the opportunity to go to a couple of professional productions and were able to take along some younger friends of ours and our family. The evenings went well... Continue reading...
