How Does Being Introverted Impact Communicating Appreciation?

As a psychologist, I think about things differently – especially human interactions and relationships. And I sometimes ask weird questions, like:

• How does being introverted affect a person’s approach to communicating appreciation to others?
• And how does being introverted impact how a person experiences receiving appreciation from others?

I am not personally an introvert, but having studied introversion and extroversion as part of my doctoral dissertation influences how I approach these questions.

Definitions & Misunderstandings

First, we need to define our terms – partly because that’s a good way to start and partially because many people misunderstand introversion and extroversion. Introversion is a personality style for those people who feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas rather than what’s happening externally. Introverts typically enjoy spending time with just one or two people rather than large groups or crowds, and they tend to feel emotionally drained by interactions with others.

On the other hand, extroversion is characterized by being outgoing, sociable, and enjoying social interactions. Extroverts are often described as talkative, socially interactive, and warm interpersonally. More recently, there has been a focus on how extroverts tend to gain energy from being around others.

A couple of oversimplifications can lead to misunderstandings between introverts and extroverts. One approach is the “all or nothing” perspective – which tends to view people in more extreme versions. For introverts, it’s that they are extremely shy, almost noncommunicative, fearful, and want to be by themselves all the time. An extrovert, from this perspective, talks almost incessantly, never listens to others, has high energy, and is often seen as the life of the party. Both viewpoints are inaccurate because they focus on the extreme versions of each personality style.

The second approach also leads to inaccurate conclusions. This occurs when people equate being socially outgoing and talkative with being the same as extroversion and being quieter or shy with being introverted. But if we focus on the gaining energy / being emotionally drained aspect, we are more accurately able to describe four interactive social styles:  

1. Outgoing extroverts. These are highly social individuals who feel emotionally empowered by social interaction. They are talkative, highly verbal, and seek out interactions with others, including large group gatherings.
   
2. Outgoing introverts. There are individuals who are socially outgoing, reaching out and conversing with others, but they are emotionally drained by interactions. As a result, they need personal time and space to recover after prolonged interactions.
   
3. Quiet (shy) extroverts. Some people are energized by being around others, including in large group settings. Still, they are rather quiet and often observe others interacting rather than participate directly.
   
4. Quiet (shy) introverts. They tend to be less conversational, using just a few words to share their ideas. They don’t initiate conversations with others as much but respond to questions. They prefer interacting with one or a few friends, while group settings drain them.

Focus: Quiet, Shy Introverts and Appreciation

To avoid confusion, let’s focus on people who are quieter and shyer and who find interpersonal interactions emotionally draining. How do these characteristics impact their approach to showing and receiving appreciation from others?

Communicating Appreciation to Colleagues at Work

If we accept the premise that social interaction is emotionally draining for introverts, then it follows that they would tend to avoid directly showing appreciation unless they see the benefits outweighing the costs. So, we would expect introverts generally to communicate appreciation less frequently than extroverts.

When they do share appreciation with others, introverts are more likely to do so in one-on-one interactions or possibly in groups of three or four coworkers. Additionally, for some people, it takes longer for them to gather and organize their thoughts; introverts tend to prefer to express verbal appreciation in writing (or with notice ahead of time) rather than orally, face-to-face, or being asked on the spot in the group. 

Introverts should not be perceived as anti-social if they decline an invitation to lunch with a group of team members. Rather, they may feel uncomfortable with the size of the group and would prefer a lunch with just one or two colleagues.

Receiving Appreciation from Others

A common characteristic of quiet, shy introverts is that they typically do not like the spotlight on them – they don’t like being the focus of attention.

Therefore, being called out to go up in front of a large group to be recognized is one of the most anxiety-producing, undesired experiences they could have (for some, this may even include being mentioned in front of a small group of colleagues). Unfortunately, many outgoing, extroverted leaders are unaware of this and proceed to (unintentionally) make their team members uncomfortable.

Remember, the specific actions preferred by a person are as important to know as their primary appreciation language. This is especially true for Quality Time. Obviously, most introverts will desire time with one or two team members (not going to an unstructured social gathering with lots of people!). Even with Words of Affirmation, some shy colleagues may get embarrassed receiving verbal praise and would prefer to receive a note they can read in private.

Reminder: Not Everyone Feels Appreciated in the Same Way

This theme is foundational to the effectiveness of the 5 languages of appreciation: finding out specifically how your colleagues like to be shown appreciation and doing so even if it doesn’t make sense to you. This is equally true regarding personality differences—introverts and extroverts are different, both personality styles are needed, and we function best when we honor each other’s differences!

Categories 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Appreciation, Managing By Appreciation, Workplace Culture

Published by Paul White

July 21, 2025 9:30 am