Lessons from the Last 15 Years
Fifteen years ago, I pursued a new opportunity with Dr. Gary Chapman — focusing on improving workplace relationships and creating healthy workplace cultures with the 5 languages of appreciation. But I had two career paths before then. I’m a psychologist by training and also ran a successful company advising family-owned businesses. I wanted to share some of the lessons I learned from transitioning to this very different type of work with Dr. Chapman.
From researching and writing a series of books, to creating an online assessment that has been taken by more than 450,000 individuals, developing an online train-the-trainer course, writing articles, and speaking to leaders of organizations – we have built a business that serves thousands of organizations and hundreds of thousands of employees. I’ve recently been thinking about what we’ve accomplished and reflecting on some of the things I’ve learned.
What seems obvious to you, isn’t obvious to everyone. You are uniquely wired to see the need you are trying to meet. That need seems obvious to you, and you believe that you can provide the tools and resources needed to meet it and improve the quality of others’ lives. And yet, many in the world (and some around you) don’t see it, and don’t get it when you excitedly explain your observations and plan – they look at you with a blank stare and say, “What are you talking about? You’re over-reacting.” And while you do find others who have made the same observations and agree with the need you’ve identified, as you continue down your path you will meet and interact with lots of people who either don’t get it, or don’t care. And it drains your energy. That’s when you have to reconnect with those who share your vision and affirm what you are doing – which gives you the support to keep going.
Perseverance wins the day. As one of my friends once said, “Most of life is daily.” And this seems to be true in business as well. While we all wish for (and enjoy) hitting a home run, where one swing of the bat has a big impact, most baseball games (and business successes) are the result of consistently putting together a string of singles, walks, stolen bases, with an occasional extra base hit. Showing up and doing the daily tasks that lead to sales, over time, tends to result in success. It isn’t necessarily exciting, nor do you get attention for being a star, but you have enough to eat and (usually) invest in growth. My best story about perseverance is that I pursued Dr. Chapman (author of The 5 Love Languages) for over a year—persistently calling or emailing his assistant about my idea of applying the 5 love languages to work-based relationships—before he agreed to meet with me to hear my ideas. If I had given up, my life would have taken a different path.
Don’t think too highly of yourself. You may be good, even great, at what you do. But the day-to-day interactions of business – with your target audience, actual clients, vendors you work with, other professionals in your field – often serve as a leveling force of your view of yourself. On some days, you are put on a pedestal and treated like a hero. People tell you they love your work and thank you profusely for the impact you’ve had on their life. Be careful: don’t let it go to your head. Because, on other days, you will face the day-to-day battle of trying to convince others of the value of your work. Or you are hit with direct criticism, condescending comments, or a snarky attitude, and being told the focus of your work is either “stupid” or “elementary,” being far beneath the interest of the intellectual elite. Be sure and have a good friend or spouse who can encourage after one of these days.
Make it practical and easy to use in daily life. A lot of people are bright, creative, and come up with new products or ways of doing daily life activities. And many people have thought of brilliant, impactful ideas that didn’t get off the ground. Sometimes this was due to poor timing or unfortunate circumstances. But many times, it seems that their ideas were overly complex, not communicated clearly, or too difficult to implement in people’s daily lives. Think of yourself: You are busy, you have lots to do and think about. You don’t have a lot of extra time or mental space to create a new habit in your life even if it would make your life better. Successful ideas tend to be easily used in daily life. Otherwise, the barrier to change hinders its implementation.
Having a good team beats an individual All-Star almost every day. Most of us, I think, would like to be seen as an All-Star in our area of expertise (although we may not want the attention and focus that often comes with this status). In reality, most of us range from the “ok” to “good,” maybe even “really good” in our area. But, there are a lot of All-Star’s out there. And the reality in business is – that’s ok. Because in contrast to one individual having a set of amazing skills, we can build an entire team with those needed skills and abilities. And, on almost every day of the week (and over time), the team will outperform the star. Many factors contribute to this, but a few are: team members support one another and cover for one another when someone is having an off day; team members build off of one another’s success and energy to sustain effort over time; and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts when a team is functioning well. Focus on building a strong team more than standing out as an amazing individual performer.
The fifteen years I have spent working with Dr. Chapman and serving our clients to create healthier, more productive workplaces has been an incredibly fulfilling journey. And while each person’s entrepreneurial journey is unique, it is my hope that some of these universal lessons will help encourage others.
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Categories 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Appreciation, Featured Post, Managing By Appreciation, Workplace Culture
