Feeling awkward about communicating appreciation among team members is normal. When teams are first introduced to the 5 languages of appreciation and begin to implement the concepts, this “weirdness factor” is a common reaction.
At Appreciation at Work, we want to create thriving and healthy workplace cultures. But all the work we do comes from the foundation laid by our best-selling book, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.
By nature, we all tend to speak our own language of appreciation. If Quality Time makes me feel appreciated, then I may go out of my way to stop by a teammate’s office and check in to see how they are doing. If Acts of Service make me feel appreciated, then I tend to pitch in and help my colleagues. If Words of Affirmation make me feel appreciated, then you can expect that I will give verbal praise to those with whom I work. But if I only do what comes naturally, the language of appreciation that is least valued... Continue reading...
How to Use Words of Appreciation Effectively While Words of Affirmation is the easiest language for most people to understand and use, it isn’t always deployed effectively. Supervisors and managers often use words to encourage their team members. Compliments, a simple thank you, praise in front of others – are all common examples of using words to send positive messages in the workplace. We have found that following a few simple tips can make the use of words more effective in showing appreciation and encouragement to colleagues (and help you avoid some common errors, as well). To be most effective... Continue reading...
In the world of workplace culture and HR professionals, there has been a lot of discussion about generational differences over the years (including my blog on recent research about Gen Z). The understanding of how others differ from us, especially in what is important to them, is valuable when trying to lead groups of employees. But sometimes, knowing how people are similar can be equally helpful. And current research is showing one significant similarity across generations: they do not feel positively about their workplaces. A survey of 1,000 employees across the U.S. found a pattern of results that are rather... Continue reading...
Sometimes (maybe lots of times) we don’t actually do what we intend to do – even when we know the action would be good for us and for those around us. Despite our good intentions, communicating appreciation to others often falls into to this pattern: Let’s agree that behavior change is difficult. (Otherwise, we would all be in good shape and have no bad habits!) This premise is true at work, as well. Our lack of good habits is not usually due a lack of intent or desire, but rather, not fully understanding the power of habits and utilizing the... Continue reading...
The new school year is starting and, being honest, a lot of people are not real excited about that prospect (even if we exclude those students who want summer to extend a bit longer). If you work in a school (preschool, K-12, public or private) or have a family member or friend who does, there is a high likelihood that some feelings of dread are present. Why am I predicting negative expectations? Because, currently, schools are one of the most difficult workplaces in our culture to be employed. Consider the following factors: Low prestige. In past decades, teachers and... Continue reading...
The language of appreciation that usually raises the most questions (and, for some, the most controversy) is appropriate physical touch; the love language in personal relationships that is difficult to translate into a workplace setting. When we first started investigating how to best apply the love languages to work-based relationships, we utilized all five of the languages, even though we knew it would be a challenge to translate the language of touch. We found that the number and variety of these actions are fairly limited (high fives, fist bumps, congratulatory handshakes, or a pat on the shoulder), but are no... Continue reading...
When comparing the various Languages of Appreciation, it’s easy to see that employees overwhelmingly don’t choose tangible rewards as the primary way they want to be shown appreciation. Only 6% of employees identify tangible gifts as their primary language of appreciation. They also choose tangible gifts as their least valued language almost 70% of the time. This is important to consider because most employee recognition programs emphasize giving gifts. While there is obviously nothing inherently wrong with this, companies end up wasting millions of dollars giving employees gifts that aren’t wanted and do little to improve performance and make them feel appreciated.... Continue reading...
When some leaders hear the suggestion that it is good to show appreciation to their employees they respond, “I don’t care how they feel about their work. I’m not a cheerleader and it’s not my responsibility to make them happy — I’m here to make sure things get done.” Others are less direct, but the message is similar – why should I care how my team members feel (about work or themselves)? APPRECIATION IMPACTS THE FINANCIAL STATUS OF AN ORGANIZATION While communicating appreciation to team members does increase positive feelings across the workforce, ultimately, running a business, professional practice or... Continue reading...
When I started speaking about the 5 languages of appreciation in the workplace, an interesting pattern developed. During breaks, people would frequently relay stories about how nasty their workplace was or what a jerk their boss was. This happened so frequently that I became curious and concerned enough to start researching toxic workplaces (which resulted in our book, Rising Above a Toxic Workplace, and our associated video series). I started keeping track of the types of workplaces that were most frequently referred to as toxic, and five categories rose to the top: colleges and universities, hospitals, government social service agencies,... Continue reading...
As I work with organizations across the country, the issue of understanding, leading, and working with employees from different generations continues to be one of the most common challenges leaders mention to me. As Baby Boomers retire and cycle out and Gen Z employees enter in, understanding the differences across generations in the workplace has become a huge focus for supervisors, managers, and HR professionals. Members of Gen Z’s are generally considered to be 25 years old or younger and are just now starting to impact the workforce. While they are still developing their adult identities and workplace values, some... Continue reading...
“Don’t tell me you care; show me.” This is a phrase often said by those whose preferred language of appreciation is Acts of Service. For them, actions will always speak louder than words and they feel appreciated when others reach out to help. More than 1 in 5 employees (22%) have Acts of Service as their primary language of appreciation (with another 15% having it as their secondary language). So over one-third of your coworkers value appreciation shown through practical actions that will help them do their work more effectively. How you help out a colleague really is situation specific.... Continue reading...
Holidays often serve as markers in our lives – markers of seasons (the middle of the summer), reminders of prior years (what we did for the 4th of July when we were growing up), and touchstones for reflection (what are we celebrating and why). I love the 4th of July holiday largely because we have a legacy of wonderful family get-togethers that are a lot of fun and which evoke a large number of fond memories for me. And our family celebrations involve several traditions that I enjoy: being outside playing games, shooting fireworks, barbecuing, swimming and boating, and watching... Continue reading...
As a larger proportion of the workforce has moved to remote and hybrid work, it is reasonable to ask whether employees who work remotely have different preferences for being shown appreciation than those who work onsite. To find out, we conducted a research study with almost 90,000 individuals who had taken our online assessment, the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory. We found that Words of Affirmation continues to be the most desired appreciation language, but remote employees chose Quality Time as their primary language of appreciation more frequently (35% of employees) than workers on-site (25%). This finding seems logical – those off-site desire more... Continue reading...
A challenge in successfully managing relationships with remote team members is that there is not just one type of remote employee – although we tend to talk about them that way. We clump them all together, discussing how to deal with “remote employees” when, in reality, a wide variety of different relationships exist among remote workers, just as is the case with onsite team members. One obvious variable to consider is the type of employee and their job function. Who works remotely? Executives and administrators. Managers. Supervisors. Front-line workers. Accountants. Customer Service associates. Salespeople. Administrative Assistants. HR Directors. Just as... Continue reading...
Making Things Right When You’ve Messed Up We all make mistakes. Sometimes inadvertently. Sometimes we did what we thought was right (only to find out later, it wasn’t). And sometimes we just make a poor choice – for whatever reason. And it happens in both our personal lives and the workplace. Making a mistake at work, to many of us, seems more serious than ones we commit in our personal lives. A misstep at work affects others, makes us look bad to our colleagues or boss, and may have serious ramifications on our work status. The Challenge of Acknowledging Our... Continue reading...
Toxic achievers pose a serious dilemma for business owners, managers, and supervisors. On the one hand, they get the job done — quickly, and more successfully than their peers. So, their work production or sales numbers look great. On the other hand, they create major headaches due to the way they relate to others, their condescending attitude, and their propensity to frequently want exceptions to company policies and procedures. 7 Signs of a Toxic Achiever How do you know if one of your team members is a toxic achiever? Let me describe some common characteristics. Toxic achievers: How to Deal... Continue reading...
While creating a workplace culture rooted in appreciation is fairly straightforward, a number of practical challenges also exist. Even though research has shown that teaching leaders and colleagues how to communicate authentic appreciation to one another can make their workplaces more positive, getting everyone on board can be difficult. After working with numerous organizations to implement the 5 languages of appreciation, we noticed some common challenges and patterns emerge. As a result, we wrote The Vibrant Workplace – Overcoming Common Challenges to Creating a Culture of Appreciation, where we identify and address ten common impediments. You Are Not Alone One... Continue reading...
Isn’t Focusing on Appreciation Counterproductive in a Production-Oriented Workplace? Absolutely not! Recently, I’ve had some interesting experiences on opposite ends of the spectrum regarding how production-focused workplaces can function. On the one hand, I visited a parks and wildlife center where three employees were “working.” But while I was there, they just sat, doing nothing, not talking to each other and only occasionally scrolling on their cell phones. On the other end of the continuum, I conducted training with an organization who clearly “produces.” They are viewed as one of the premier global institutions in their field of expertise, and... Continue reading...
When we first launched our online assessment tool, the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory, it was geared toward a general workplace setting. Since then, we have created an expanded version, translated it into 8 different languages and have created 11 different industry-specific versions for Remote/ Long Distance, Medical, Military, School, Non-Profit/ Ministry, Government, Senior Care, Trades, Veterinary, and Dentistry. We are frequently asked, “Why do we create industry-specific versions of our MBAI assessment?” Here are a few of the factors that lead to their creation: *Our goal is always to provide relevant, practical and easily applied resources to help team members... Continue reading...
Take a step back from what “needs to get done” for a moment and reflect: What is a core aspect of human life that permeates our life experience and which isn’t going well for many adults today? One answer is – living life with others. From the moment of our birth and until we die – we are connected to others. The same is true for our work lives – we work in the context of relationships which includes some combination of an employer, supervisor, customers or clients, colleagues, suppliers, and the general milieu of daily life (dealing with... Continue reading...
A question I am asked fairly frequently is whether a person’s preferred language of appreciation changes over time. We don’t currently have a definitive answer for that but we are in the midst of researching it. However, there are some helpful data points which provide some direction. As we work with companies and organizations across the world, we have the privilege to discuss a variety of specific issues with our clients, hear their questions, and receive feedback from them. Let’s explore some factors we have observed that affect the primary ways individuals like to be appreciated. Life Circumstances First, one’s... Continue reading...
To build a successful and sustainable business, you need a team of employees who bring their unique abilities, strengths and perspectives to the challenges you will face. But to draw and keep talented individuals who have a variety of skills and personality types, you need a key skill: You have to learn how to lead people who are different than you. Many books on leadership provide valuable insights into key skills and abilities needed to effectively lead others. But one concept that is not stressed enough is: to lead a successful team, you have to understand those who are not like... Continue reading...
Have you ever run out of gas on a trip? From personal experience, I can tell you it’s not a fun experience. Similarly, experiencing burnout in life or at work is painful. The two experiences are quite similar and are ones you want to avoid. When your car runs out of gas, the event itself isn’t that bad – the vehicle just stops and you can’t go anywhere, but you can’t get restarted. The consequences that follow are what creates the disruptions in your life. First, you have to recognize what the problem is: you used up all of your... Continue reading...
Change in the workplace is inevitable. Previously, change largely stemmed from response to external circumstances, like marketplace forces, or they were part of a larger institutional plan to create growth and improvement. But since the advent of the COVID pandemic, change seems to be the only constant in the workplace. Changes in the foundations of how we work and where we work are ever evolving and lead to uncertainty, anxiety, resistance, low morale and more, all of which can take their toll on employees. The good news is, managing reactions to change can be made easier if the change occurs... Continue reading...
Over the past several years, much attention has been given to differences across generations, including in the workplace. Why has this been such a focus? Because of the huge sociological shift in our culture, moving from one very large generation (Boomers), who have had significant influence on cultural values and norms, to the next generations (Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z) who have now become the primary cultural influencers. Do Generational Differences Really Exist? And, if so, why? As has been demonstrated by thousands of research studies, many differences exist across generations – in preferences, values, lifestyle choices, beliefs, spending habits,... Continue reading...
The importance of communicating appreciation in the workplace has become a common topic in the past few years – both in relation to combining personalized appreciation with traditional recognition activities, and sometimes as an alternative model of increasing employee engagement. As the world of work has become significantly more globalized, the question has been raised whether employees in various cultures desire appreciation differently. In our work over the past decade in applying the concepts of the five love languages to work-based relationships, we have primarily focused on English-speaking countries: the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Australia, and New Zealand. In prior... Continue reading...
Every Spring a national sporting event captures the attention of millions of employees: the NCAA March Madness basketball tournaments. Individuals who are die-hard basketball fans, those who may follow their local college team or alma mater, and people who just like to complete brackets by picking teams according to their mascots – all become intrigued and involved in the games and filling out brackets. Understanding March Madness While March Madness is typically referred to as a singular event, those familiar with the tournaments know that they are actually a series of games and regional tournaments over a three-week period. The... Continue reading...
Our business is built around encouraging leaders and colleagues to show appreciation to their coworkers and training teams to do so effectively. But there are times and situations when we recommend not communicating appreciation (or, at least, waiting). Sometimes, encouraging your colleagues is not the best course of action to take. And doing so at the wrong time can actually backfire and create more problems. Here are some circumstances when you should reconsider whether or not to proactively communicate appreciation to those with whom you work: How do you avoid these pitfalls? 1. Check your motives. Try to only communicate... Continue reading...