The Day My Thank You Backfired

 

A Guest Blog By Denise Boudreau

 

Years ago, I was leading a long-term care organization in New Jersey when a massive snowstorm shut everything down. Roads were buried, buses were delayed, and yet my team still showed up. Some spent hours commuting just to be there for the residents and patients we served. I was so grateful that I decided to thank them in a meaningful way: by gifting everyone sweatshirts with our organization’s name.

The sweatshirts arrived, and at first, I handed them out personally from my office, thanking each person face-to-face. But after a long day of interruptions during meetings and calls, I thought there had to be a more efficient way. So, I wrote a heartfelt thank-you letter, made copies, and left the sweatshirts and notes with the receptionist for distribution.

Problem solved… or so I thought.

A week later, I started hearing whispers:
“Denise didn’t even thank us for coming in during the storm.”
“She doesn’t care that it took me two hours to get here.”

I was stunned. I had thanked them! I’d chosen and ordered the sweatshirts, spent money I didn’t have approval for, and even stressed about spending all that money. How could they not feel appreciated?

It was a pivotal lesson for me. Recognition only matters if people feel appreciated!

And how people feel is deeply personal. What means something to one person may mean little to another. For some, the sweatshirt was enough. For others, a direct thank-you or my heartfelt hug meant everything. I had put effort into appreciation, but I hadn’t delivered it in a way that felt meaningful to each individual.

When I read Dr. White’s book, The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, it taught me that appreciation is really about the personal connection. It requires thought, presence, and an understanding of what truly matters to a person. I finally understood why the event that I know affectionately refer to as “Sweathshirtgate” occurred!

Appreciation shapes culture by reinforcing what matters most. It helps people see how their work connects to shared values and to the overall purpose of the organization. It inspires people to go further because they know their efforts are seen and valued.

What I’ve witnessed time and again in the organizations I work with on improving organizational culture, is that when leaders make appreciation an intentional, everyday practice, something powerful happens. People notice one another’s efforts more deeply. They don’t wait for annual celebrations or formal recognition moments and instead find daily opportunities to lift each other up. That steady rhythm of acknowledgment creates an environment where people feel seen, valued, and motivated to give their best. And when recognition becomes woven into the fabric of how a team operates, both people and performance thrive.

Denise Boudreau is the President of Drive Culture Outcomes, a company dedicated to helping reduce team member turnover by fostering a thriving organizational culture. A former Assisted Living and Nursing Home Administrator for 17 years, Denise is also a serial volunteer. She earned her Bachelor’s in Gerontology from the University of Scranton and a Master’s in Health Administration from Cornell University.