Tips for Making Appreciation Part of Your Daily Life
Sometimes (maybe lots of times) we don’t actually do what we intend to do – even when we know the action would be good for us and for those around us. Despite our good intentions, communicating appreciation to others often falls into to this pattern:
- We believe showing appreciation is a good thing.
- We intend to start.
- We verbally affirm our desire to “do the right thing.”
- We may even begin a new path of activity (for a day or so).
- Then our efforts falter.
- We become inconsistent and new ways of behaving stop.
- We find ourselves back at square one.
Let’s agree that behavior change is difficult. (Otherwise, we would all be in good shape and have no bad habits!) This premise is true at work, as well. Our lack of good habits is not usually due a lack of intent or desire, but rather, not fully understanding the power of habits and utilizing the development of habits to change our behavior.
In James Clear’s Atomic Habits, an excellent evidence-based book about the power of habits, he asserts the following:
- Small habits make a big difference.
- The impact of change compounds over time.
- Lasting change is rooted in identity. (“I’m a positive, supportive, grateful encourager.”)
Practical Tips
Let’s look at a few practical ways that will help each of us become more regular in showing appreciation toward others.
- Visual reminders. We are more visually cued than we realize (think of all of the visual advertisements you are bombarded with every day). So, let’s use our neurobiology to our advantage – use visual cues to remind yourself to show appreciation to others.
- We use cubicle posters in our hallway to remind us of team members’ preferred languages of appreciation and the specific actions they like. A free template is available here.
- Display photos of your team members (either individually or as a group) on your desk or in your work area.
- Create a Group Profile of your team’s MBA Inventory results in a file you can access easily before meetings with others. Click here for a sample group report.
- Use your calendar as a tool. While spontaneous appreciation is great when a colleague does something you really value, appreciation communicated between team members will increase (and continue over time) when showing appreciation is a part of your structure. Set reminders in your calendar for meetings (start by communicating appreciation to …) and conference calls. If you want to get together and check in with a fellow worker, put a reminder in your calendar.
- Gather examples. Remembering specific examples of something you want to call attention to can be frustrating (especially to those of us who are older). When you observe a positive action by a teammate (and it’s not appropriate to show appreciation right then), write yourself a note or email. Or when you see a colleague demonstrating a personal character quality that you really value, send yourself a text and look up their appreciation language later.
- Stop and think. In combination with using your calendar, schedule 15 minutes each week to stop and reflect. Consider:
- Is there anyone discouraged that it would be good to encourage?
- What action or character quality did a team member demonstrate this week that I want to let them know I value?
- Is there someone I haven’t seen or talked to in a while (especially a remote team member) that it would be good to reach out to?
- Pull out your team’s group summary report and scan it for a simple act of appreciation you could do this week.
- Make sure you know how your colleagues prefer to receive appreciation. Some of us can be impulsive. We have an idea, immediately think, “Alright! Let’s go for it!” and start to implement the idea before really thinking it through. This can lead to problems, for instance, if you use their least valued language, your efforts won’t have the intended impact. Question: Would you rather act immediately and miss the intended goal? Or take a moment, prepare, and achieve your goal? If you choose the latter option, take the time and effort to have your colleagues take the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory, create a group summary report of all of your results, and then discuss how each person desires to be appreciated.
Remember, start small but commit to being a positive, supportive, grateful encourager this week, and build your habits over time. The results will be worth it!
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I’d love to hear other suggestions and ways that you help yourself remember to show appreciation to those you work with.
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Categories 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Appreciation, employee peer-to-peer recognition, MBA Inventory, Peer Recognition, Workplace Culture
