We Have Become the Frog in the Pot of Water
Do you remember the story about the frog in a pot of water? One day a boy who liked exploring was walking by a pond and came upon a bullfrog, which he was able to catch. To his surprise the frog could talk and said, “You don’t have to hold me so tight – you are squeezing too hard. I won’t jump away.” So, the boy loosened his grip and started walking back to his house. “Where are we going?” asked the frog.
“I thought I would show you where I live,” said the boy. When they got to the house, the boy went to the kitchen, got out a pot, and filled it with cool water. “I thought I’d get you some water to rest in, so your skin doesn’t dry out.” “Well, that’s very thoughtful of you,” replied the frog. The boy put the frog in the pot of water and rested it on the stove. “This is quite nice. Thank you!” said the frog. “My pleasure,” replied the boy.
Then the boy said, “I don’t want you to get too chilly. Let me warm up the water just a tad.” “Okay,” replied the frog. “It is just a bit cool.” So the boy turned on the stove at the lowest level, just to warm up the water a bit. Then the boy continued to warm up the water bit by bit. And the frog really didn’t notice the change in temperature; it happened so gradually. But eventually, the water became so hot, it was boiling and cooked the frog – and the boy had a nice snack of frog legs.
We Have Become So Disconnected, We Don’t Remember What Connectedness Feels Like
As a society, we have become the frog in the pot of water and have lost the sense of danger that we are in. We don’t have a singular individual planning our demise. Rather, there are a series of factors in our society that are leading us down the path to ill health, which we are unaware of.
This occurred to me recently when I saw some research by the U.S. Bureau of Labor reporting the serious decline of time we spend, on average, with one another. And the data isn’t comparing our current lives to those in the 1800s or even late 20th century. Their point of comparison was the amount of time individuals spent in personal interactions with others each day, in 2003, when the amount averaged 61 minutes per day. This past year the amount of time we spend interacting personally dropped to 35 minutes. The decline began during the COVID-19 pandemic, but to the surprise of the investigators, time spent with others has not rebounded at all after the pandemic. They state: “We stopped having friends over during the pandemic – and then it was like we forgot how to do it.”
“It’s No Big Deal”
As a social scientist, my guess is that when reading this, many of you may have thought, “Aww, it’s no big deal. I’m getting along fine.” But I would propose that we are like the frog in the pot of water – the changes in our lives have occurred so gradually over a period of time that we don’t realize the impact on our lives.
Let me focus the microscope a bit by asking some questions:
- When was the last time you had an extended conversation (30 minutes or more) with a friend or family member sharing your thoughts and feelings about your life?
- Have you had the experience of having some free time, and you were thinking about doing something fun with a friend, but you couldn’t think of anyone you could invite who would get together with you?
- What if you were in a short stretch (a few weeks) where you became discouraged and down. Do you have someone you could call or get together with to share your struggles?
- Is there anyone (besides a family member you live with) that you could call for help – to drop off your car at the auto shop, or move a big piece of furniture?
- If you became ill or were in an accident that landed you in the hospital, do you have any friends who would: a) know about it, and b) visit you in the hospital once? More than once? Offer any assistance with daily life responsibilities?
My point is: most of us are not aware of how disconnected we have become from others, and the true impact this has on our lives. We fill our time with technology-based activities: scrolling on our phones; watching videos on TikTok or YouTube; playing video games; watching movies, sports or TV shows; listening to podcasts.
Can you be by yourself and not engaged in some activity, and be okay with it – for 5-10 minutes? 30 minutes? An hour? A day?
When you feel a need for connection with someone (to relate, to interact, to feel cared for) do you have people in your life that you can turn to – that you can get ahold of, that are available, and willing to respond?
If not, you may want to quit checking your social media feeds, and call someone to get together. You may be in hotter water than you think. It may take a little concerted effort to connect with someone, but don’t give up after one try. It’s important that we exercise our social muscles and create habits around strengthening and maintaining relationships. Spending time in-person with others is how we build community, and the positive effects on our lives and overall health are immeasurable.
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Categories Busyness, Relationships
