{"id":15211,"date":"2016-07-23T12:23:53","date_gmt":"2016-07-23T17:23:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/?p=15211"},"modified":"2016-07-23T12:23:53","modified_gmt":"2016-07-23T17:23:53","slug":"colleague-easily-offended","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/blog\/colleague-easily-offended\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Have a Colleague Who is Easily Offended?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/appreciationatwork-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/uploads\/2016\/07\/Defensive-Hispanic-woman.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-15271\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-15271 alignright\" src=\"http:\/\/appreciationatwork-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/uploads\/2016\/07\/Defensive-Hispanic-woman-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Defensive Hispanic woman\" width=\"103\" height=\"155\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/Defensive-Hispanic-woman-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/Defensive-Hispanic-woman.jpg 563w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 103px) 100vw, 103px\" \/><\/a>Not everyone feels appreciated in the same way. The more often we communicate appreciation in the \u2018language\u2019 and specific actions preferred by our colleagues, the more likely we are to \u2018hit the mark\u2019 in truly encouraging them and helping them feel valued.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">As we have trained thousands of employees in the concepts of authentic appreciation (both directly and through our <a href=\"http:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/train\">Appreciation at Work Certified Facilitators<\/a>) we have found that:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>A person\u2019s <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">primary language of appreciation<\/span> is often the language in which they are <span style=\"color: #800000;\">most easily offended!<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/appreciationatwork-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/uploads\/2016\/07\/disgruntled-man.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-15281\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-15281 alignleft\" src=\"http:\/\/appreciationatwork-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/uploads\/2016\/07\/disgruntled-man-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"disgruntled man\" width=\"93\" height=\"140\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/disgruntled-man-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/disgruntled-man.jpg 642w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 93px) 100vw, 93px\" \/><\/a>So if you have a colleague or supervisor who seems to get upset easily (seemingly, for little reason), you may want to check out what their primary language of appreciation is. It may give you some clues on some underlying relational dynamics. Let\u2019s look at each language and see what may be going on:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em><strong>Words of Affirmation<\/strong><\/em>. People who value words of praise are also easily negatively impacted by verbal comments.\u00a0 Essentially, communicating through words is their primary communication channel and the messages are received as more intense than by those for whom words aren\u2019t as important.\u00a0 The implication? Even appropriate corrective instructions can feel hurtful to these individuals &#8212; and clearly casual sarcastic comments wound them. What should you do? Be more gentle with corrective feedback with these people; it doesn\u2019t take as much \u201cuummpf \u201d to get their attention. Be sure you are giving plenty of specific praise, as well.<br \/>\n\u2022 <em><strong>Quality Time<\/strong><\/em>. Remember, \u201ctime\u201d doesn\u2019t always mean that the employee wants time with their supervisor. Some do. Some don\u2019t &#8212; they prefer to go out to lunch or after work with their colleagues. Those who feel valued when others spend time with them can be offended in three primary ways:<br \/>\n1. <em>For supervisors:<\/em> Schedule a meeting with the employee and repeatedly reschedule, cancel (or totally \u201cblow off\u201d and forget) the meeting. This clearly communicates they other things are more important to you than they are.<br \/>\n2. <em>For colleagues:<\/em> Leave them out (either intentionally or unintentionally &#8212; the result is the same) when you go out to lunch or invite a group of people for a social event. This includes quiet colleagues &#8212; even introverts like to be invited and participate in social gatherings with a small group of friends.<br \/>\n3. <em>For anyone:<\/em> Don\u2019t give them your full attention when you are meeting with them one-on-one. Looking at your text messages, checking emails, answering the phone, letting someone interrupt (and you start talking with them) &#8212; all communicate you are not fully \u201cwith them\u201d and they aren\u2019t that important.<br \/>\n\u2022 <em><strong>Acts of Service.<\/strong><\/em> Individuals who value acts of service live by the motto \u201cactions speak louder than words\u201d.\u00a0 Showing them that they are important by doing something to help them out (especially if they are in a time crunch, trying to meet a deadline) is far more important than anything you could say. So how are these employees offended? One way is to just give them compliments, but never do anything to at least offer to help them. The other offensive action is to give them input on how they could do the task differently (or \u201cbetter\u201d), especially if you are just standing there watching them do the task.<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0<em><strong>Tangible Gifts.<\/strong><\/em> People who are encouraged when they receive something tangible are primarily impacted by the facts that: (a) you thought about them; (b) you took time and effort to get them something; and (c) you (hopefully) have gotten to know them a bit and what they like.\u00a0 Interestingly, people who value gifts aren\u2019t necessarily upset if they don\u2019t receive something (although they may if they never get anything over a long period of time). What does offend them is when everyone gets the same item &#8212; it is the personal nature of the gift that is meaningful to them. This appears to be why so many employees really aren\u2019t that enthralled with the \u201cpick your gift from the catalog\u201d approach to recognition &#8212; it\u2019s impersonal (and it didn\u2019t cost the giver anything!)<\/li>\n<li><em><strong>Physical Touch<\/strong><\/em>. As you may remember, physical touch is rarely an employee\u2019s primary language of appreciation in the majority North American culture. But that is not necessarily true for all employees, and clearly not the case in other cultures (Latin American, some European). In the U.S. and Canada, it is probably easier to offend someone by touching a colleague (who doesn\u2019t want to be touched at all, touched by you, or touched in that manner or setting). But for those for whom touch is important, you can create a negative reaction by acting cool and defensive, treating them like they are \u201cweird\u201d, and especially if you attribute negative attentions to their gesture of warmth (from their perspective). This is obviously a difficult issue, so \u201cif in doubt, don\u2019t.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Hopefully, this gives you some clues on understanding why some of your co-workers may be reacting coolly toward you &#8212; and gives you some action steps to try to improve your relationship with them!<\/p>\n<p>**See our new <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=KxAyekHf6lM\">YouTube video series<\/a> on this topic.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Not everyone feels appreciated in the same way. The more often we communicate appreciation in the \u2018language\u2019 and specific actions preferred by our colleagues, the more likely we are to \u2018hit the mark\u2019 in truly encouraging them and helping them feel valued. As we have trained thousands of employees in the concepts of authentic appreciation&#8230; <a class=\"view-article\" href=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/blog\/colleague-easily-offended\/\">Continue reading&#8230;<\/a>","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[160,133,144,21,170,511,119,681,209,232,19,1],"tags":[1681,1691,1701,1721,1711],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Do You Have a Colleague Who is Easily Offended? - Appreciation at Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/blog\/colleague-easily-offended\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do You Have a Colleague Who is Easily Offended? - Appreciation at Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Not everyone feels appreciated in the same way. The more often we communicate appreciation in the \u2018language\u2019 and specific actions preferred by our colleagues, the more likely we are to \u2018hit the mark\u2019 in truly encouraging them and helping them feel valued. As we have trained thousands of employees in the concepts of authentic appreciation... 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