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Recently, I had the privilege of conducting some communication training for a group.\u00a0 We had done some previous communication training together on foundational issues of listening, so they were ready to work on some additional skills for building relationships with others.\u00a0The skill set we worked on was\u00a0the ways you can assist the person with whom you are talking to better understand you.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
Providing the context of your thoughts<\/span><\/b>\u00a0was the skill we focused on.\u00a0 When we give each other the\u00a0context<\/span>\u00a0of our thoughts — that is, the reason or purpose of our sharing — this greatly enhances others\u2019 ability tounderstand us. \u00a0And obviously, if we share the context\u00a0prior<\/span>\u00a0to the start of the discussion, this is most helpful (rather than waiting to see the quizzical look on their face showing that they have no idea what we are talking about.)<\/p>\n One of the problems in talking together with others, is that\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0know \u201cwhere you are coming from\u201d, what you have been thinking about, and the purpose (in your mind) of the conversation. However, the other person often\u00a0has no clue<\/span>. So when you start talking, it can take the other person a while to figure out why you are sharing what you are and what you want from them in response.<\/p>\n So the more you can give them the context of the situation, the more likely they will understand you and the less likely they will misinterpret what you are trying to say.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s look at six different contexts for communication (the list is not meant to be exhaustive.)<\/p>\n Different Contexts for Communication<\/b><\/p>\n 1. Transferring information.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI just want to share with you about something that happened to me<\/i>.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI wanted to let you know that . . .\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n The purpose is just that — to share information with you that they would like you to know. There is no response needed or expected (except that you are listening.)<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0Connecting relationally<\/span>.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d like to share what I have been thinking about \u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n The goal of this type of communication often is the desire that I want you to know me better. \u00a0I want you to understand me. In this situation, a response is expected — that you demonstrate understanding by active listening (in some cases, paraphrasing what you have heard them say.)<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0Getting feedback.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d like your input on something. Am I thinking clearly on this?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n There are times when we want input from others on how we are thinking and behaving. It is often helpful to get honest feedback from someone you trust. It is critical in this situation to make sure you understand the core issue\u00a0before responding<\/span>. \u00a0Ask clarifying questions. \u00a0\u201cSo are you concerned about .. or is \u2026 the issue?\u201d<\/i>\u00a0Then you are ready to share your observations.<\/p>\n 4.\u00a0Asking for advice.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI have a dilemma.\u00a0 Let me explain and then I\u2019d like to hear your thoughts.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n The typical response is to give advice immediately, which often leads to problems. Rather, it is often best to gather additional information needed before responding. First,\u00a0make sure<\/span>\u00a0you understand the situation and what part of it is of concern to them. Then ask who else they have gotten input from and what it was (or what have they already tried). This keeps your advice from getting \u201cshot down\u201d (\u201cOh, I already tried that and it didn\u2019t work.\u201d)<\/i><\/p>\n 5.\u00a0Making a request \/ Solving a Problem.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI was wondering if you would \u2026\u00a0 Last night, xyz happened. Could you \u2026?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n Again, it is best to clarify exactly what is desired and the goal to be achieved first (even before agreeing to help). Then define the expectations regarding responsibility and timing (who is to do what? by when?). Finally, develop an action plan together and make sure it will accomplish the desired goal.<\/p>\n ASIDE: There is a common problem experienced with requests. Many people make indirect requests — they hint at what they want, rather than asking directly.\u00a0 This typically doesn\u2019t go well because the other person doesn\u2019t pick up on the \u201chint\u201d.<\/p>\n