{"id":22100,"date":"2021-03-08T07:35:26","date_gmt":"2021-03-08T13:35:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/?p=22100"},"modified":"2021-03-08T07:35:29","modified_gmt":"2021-03-08T13:35:29","slug":"learning-to-appreciate-difficult-colleagues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/blog\/learning-to-appreciate-difficult-colleagues\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Appreciate Difficult Colleagues"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/sceptical-boss.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/sceptical-boss.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-19552\" width=\"450\" height=\"316\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/sceptical-boss.jpg 450w, https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/sceptical-boss-300x211.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>What do I do when I don\u2019t appreciate one of my co-workers?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people are more difficult to work with than others. Human beings can be weird, angry, irritable, and aggravating. They can have a lousy work ethic, poor communication skills and negative attitudes. Appreciating these individuals can be even&nbsp;more&nbsp;challenging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some tips on how to grow your appreciation for a difficult colleague.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First and foremost, <strong>don\u2019t try to fake it.<\/strong> Trying to act like you appreciate someone when you actually don\u2019t typically doesn\u2019t go well, and perceived inauthenticity will undermine any trust that may exist in the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Secondly, <strong>don\u2019t try to push through it and \u201cmake yourself\u201d appreciate a colleague<\/strong>. (And you don\u2019t have to feel guilty about it, either!) What we have learned over time is that to appreciate someone is both a heart issue and a behavior. And, like any feeling we may experience, you can\u2019t force yourself to appreciate someone. However, similar to our other feeling responses, there are ways to make it <em>more likely<\/em> that we will eventually have heartfelt appreciation for someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The key is valuing that person in some way<\/strong>. The source of appreciation is when we value something about another person: who they are, what they are able to do, what they know, their character qualities. When you don\u2019t or can\u2019t appreciate someone, the solution involves looking and exploring what about them you might value.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might value the fact that they know how to search for information well on the Internet. Or you may admire the experience and knowledge they have about your industry and competitors. Anything that makes them a better employee is a possibility \u2013 some specific skill or unique experience they have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But, especially with difficult-to-appreciate employees, <strong>the characteristic you discover may not be related to work.<\/strong> You may find it helpful that Sarah is really good at finding deals through Craigslist, or using Groupon. From getting to know one of your coworkers, you may be amazed at the vast amount on knowledge he has about British rock groups in the \u201890s, or about growing vegetables organically, or whatever the topic may be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Similarly, you may be impressed with how committed your administrative assistant is to her children and what an amazing mother she is. Or that your IT guy trains for triathlons. You may enjoy and value the cheerful demeanor one of your team members has, and how their laugh brings a smile to your face (I personally prefer to work with cheerful people rather than irritable colleagues!). Look for something positive in their life, whether it is related to work or not, and bring attention to that characteristic or behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The point is: when you are having a hard time finding something to appreciate about another team member, there are two valuable steps that will be helpful: 1) <em>Find out more about what they do<\/em> (often we <em>think <\/em>we know what a colleague does, but really don\u2019t), and 2) <em>Take some time to get to know them better personally <\/em>(their past and where they came from, where they have lived, their current life circumstances, hobbies and interests). Frequently, when we find out more about an individual, we discover some \u201ctouch stones\u201d between their lives and ours.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Final Thoughts on Dealing with Difficult Colleagues<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may experience an unexpected benefit by trying to find ways to communicate appreciation to difficult colleagues \u2013 you may actually begin to truly feel appreciation for them! Research (and many people\u2019s personal experience) has demonstrated that feelings about a person or situation can actually change <em>as a result of<\/em> behaving and thinking differently. (There is a subtle difference between acting \u201cas if\u201d you value someone with the purpose of developing appreciation in the process, and just trying to fake it, with no real interest in them as a person.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, don\u2019t forget that <em>you<\/em> \u2013 your actions, reactions, and attitudes \u2013 have a major influence on the level of vitality and health of your environment!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This blog was adapted from The Vibrant Workplace. <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.appreciationatwork.com\/collections\/books-accessories\/products\/the-vibrant-workplace-paperback\">Click here to order<\/a> your copy and learn more about how to make your workplace more positive.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"What do I do when I don\u2019t appreciate one of my co-workers? Some people are more difficult to work with than others. Human beings can be weird, angry, irritable, and aggravating. They can have a lousy work ethic, poor communication skills and negative attitudes. Appreciating these individuals can be even&nbsp;more&nbsp;challenging. Here are some tips on&#8230; <a class=\"view-article\" href=\"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/blog\/learning-to-appreciate-difficult-colleagues\/\">Continue reading&#8230;<\/a>","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[133,198,2143,2223],"tags":[2169],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Learning to Appreciate Difficult Colleagues - Appreciation at Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some people are more difficult to work with than others. 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