{"id":24299,"date":"2023-10-09T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-10-09T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/?p=24299"},"modified":"2023-10-09T08:48:38","modified_gmt":"2023-10-09T13:48:38","slug":"how-do-i-move-on-when-someone-has-offended-me-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.appreciationatwork.com\/blog\/how-do-i-move-on-when-someone-has-offended-me-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do I ‘Move On’ When Someone Has Offended Me?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Sometimes conflict at work arises when we feel we have been treated wrongly. This can result in our feeling hurt, embarrassed, let down by another, offended, angry, and disappointed. These responses are the result when someone\u2019s actions (or lack of action) are in contrast to what we believe should have <\/em>happened. That is, when our expectations aren\u2019t met by others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever the source of the conflict is, we cannot truly resolve it and move on unless we are able to let go of hurt, anger, fear, bitterness, and the other negative emotions we have. The process of letting go\u2014that is, releasing the desire to get revenge against someone who has offended you\u2014is needed in order to move forward in one\u2019s life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is this the case? Because continuing to hold onto hurt and anger creates ongoing tension and challenges in communicating and working together, and<\/u><\/strong> makes those around you feel uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Probably the more important consequences are the costs to us <\/em>internally. We ruminate about the offending event, which creates agitation in us. We talk to others about that person. We avoid the other person. We become increasingly angry. We become obsessed with \u201cgetting even.\u201d All of our interactions with the individual are influenced by the hurtful event. We create a negative, uncomfortable working environment. And \u2026 ultimately, we become miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s also important to describe what letting go isn\u2019t<\/u><\/strong>. First, excusing the person\u2019s behavior <\/em>is not part of getting past the event. Saying, \u201cThat\u2019s okay;\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal;\u201d are not <\/em>part of the process. We are not absolving them of the responsibility for their actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Secondly, letting go is not forgetting what was done to you. <\/em>You might have heard people say, \u201cIf you haven\u2019t forgotten, you haven\u2019t forgiven.\u201d That\u2019s not true. Everything that you\u2019ve ever done and everything that has ever been done to you is recorded in the human brain. When you remember what they did, the painful emotions often come back. It may be anger, it may be hurt, and maybe disappointment. If so, tell yourself, \u201cYes, I remember the offense. Yes, it hurts again, but I\u2019m not going to let it control me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, the process of letting go does not remove all the consequences of poor choices<\/em>. When an action is done, a statement is spoken, or a decision is made, downline results occur. Even when we internally let go of our resentment or anger, the practical consequences of what happened remain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, let\u2019s talk about what letting go actually involves<\/u><\/strong>. There are three components\u2014and we must remind ourselves that it is a process<\/em>, not a \u201cone and done\u201d decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, we acknowledge that the other person is human. <\/em>We all are. That is, we all at times react in ways we shouldn\u2019t. Each of us makes mistakes and has errors in judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next, and this seems to be a difficult step, is surrendering your right to get even. <\/em>This can mean giving up your desire to see them hurt (emotionally or in their career) or a deep longing that bad things will happen to them. Again, we are not <\/em>saying what they did was okay. Rather, we are giving up our <\/em>\u201cright\u201d to cause them pain in response to what they did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The third step is to begin to revise your feelings toward the person. <\/em>This takes time. Addressing this issue fully is beyond the scope of this article, but research demonstrates both that: a) we are <\/em>in control of our feeling responses; and b) there are practical steps that can be taken to help in the process of changing how we feel about others or situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLetting go\u201d is the only way to maintain our sanity and our emotional health when we have had hurtful interactions with others.  Unfortunately, conflict, challenging events, and difficult people are part of the reality of work. While the process of letting go takes time, the results are clearly worth the effort.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we choose to give up our desire to \u201cget even,\u201d the benefits to us are significant. We sleep better, we hold less tension in our bodies, we experience fewer physical symptoms and our outlook toward daily life improves. There will also be less tension in the workplace and<\/u><\/strong> you\u2019ll begin to see that both you and your team become more productive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*******<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To learn more about navigating conflict at work, order a copy of Making Things Right at Work<\/em><\/a> which covers topics and tools to help you increase teamwork, resolve conflict and build trust in the workplace.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Sometimes conflict at work arises when we feel we have been treated wrongly. This can result in our feeling hurt, embarrassed, let down by another, offended, angry, and disappointed. These responses are the result when someone\u2019s actions (or lack of action) are in contrast to what we believe should have happened. That is, when our… Continue reading…<\/a>","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2308,711,2223],"tags":[2314,2330],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow Do I 'Move On' When Someone Has Offended Me? - Appreciation at Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Conflict at work can arise when we feel we have been treated wrongly. 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