The 5 Love Languages at Work – Really?
Since its initial release in 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages has become a cultural phenomenon. In addition to having sold over 20 million copies and being translated into 50 languages, the 5 love languages are frequently referred to in casual conversations – especially those related to romantic, marital, and family relationships.
What is interesting to me is that many people are still intrigued by the concept of applying the 5 languages to relationships at work. True, the concept of love at work can seem a bit weird (especially if your definition of love is based on the romantic notion of being in love).
But over a decade ago, Dr. Chapman and I worked together to “translate” the 5 languages concepts and apply them to work-based relationships. The result was our best-selling book, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, which has sold over 600,000 copies and has been translated into 23 languages (the average business book only sells 3,000 copies). Additionally, our online assessment (the Motivating By Appreciation Inventory) which identifies the specific ways each person prefers to be shown appreciation, has been taken by over 400,000 employees and is used by organizations such as NASA, Caterpillar, PepsiCo, Mayo Clinics, the U.S. Air Force, hundreds of public schools, and over 900 colleges and universities.
Those who are familiar with The 5 Love Languages may wonder if there is any difference between their love language and their primary language of appreciation. We have found that often, a person’s love language is not their primary languages of appreciation at work (and this is especially true for Physical Touch). So . . . don’t assume that your love language in personal relationships is the same as your most important language of appreciation in the workplace.
Why Should I Care What My Co-workers Appreciation Language Is?
For two primary reasons. First, extensive research (including by Gallup and MIT) has shown that when team members feel valued and genuinely appreciated, the workplace functions significantly better – with less conflict, more cooperation, goals are reached, productivity increases, and employee turnover decreases. Look at this infographic for a visual example.
Secondly, knowing other’s preferred ways of feeling appreciation (and them knowing yours) eliminates wasting time and energy doing actions that don’t matter to the recipients. We become frustrated when we attempt to do something positive for a colleague, but it has no noticeable impact. Everyone feels appreciated in different ways – so find out what impacts each of your team members rather than doing the same thing for everyone.
Differences between the 5 Love Languages and the 5 Languages of Appreciation
*Verbal praise in front of others is utilized more in workplace settings. As a love language, words of affirmation tend to be communicated more personally between two individuals. In work-based relationships, words of affirmation are often communicated in group contexts – in a team meeting, in front of customers, or at an award ceremony. Additionally, written communication through email and texting is used significantly more in work-based relationships.
*Different types of quality time are valued in the workplace. While quality time in personal relationships is primarily expressed through focused attention, other types of quality time are also important in work-based relationships. These may include hanging out together with colleagues, working on tasks together, and having different types of experiences together to deepen team relationships.
*The language of physical touch is less important in the workplace than in personal relationships. Physical touch is the lowest language of appreciation for most people in the workplace. This makes sense – there are more boundaries in the workplace and even appropriate physical touch is not desired by many at work. But spontaneous, celebratory displays (high fives, fist bumps, a pat on the back) are quite common between coworkers and are an important part of positive work-based relationships.
*When demonstrating appreciation through acts of service in the workplace, there are important conditions to meet for the act to be valued by the recipient. Asking if the other person wants assistance, doing the service in the way the recipient wants it done, and defining how much time you have to help – all are conditions that need to be met for the service offered to be viewed positively.
*The types of tangible gifts given differ in personal relationships and work-oriented relationships. In personal relationships, tangible gifts tend to be things – actual objects. Tangible gifts in the workplace are less about the “thing” and more about the thought behind it – that the giver actually knows what is important or valued by the recipient, what hobbies or interests they have-and the gift reflects this knowledge.
Conclusion
We don’t suggest you find out what your coworkers’ love language is. That would probably be weird. But finding out what their appreciation language is (and learning how to express authentic appreciation among your team) is a good step to take and will help create a healthier, more positive work environment!
If you’d like to explore the love languages more, visit this link.
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Categories 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Appreciation, Five Love Languages, Managing By Appreciation, MBA Inventory
